Friday, May 13, 2005


Lotusland Election

Tuesday May 17 is the day that millions of British Columbians will be stuffing the ballot box. 79 electoral districts are being contested from no less than 45 political parties. No, that isn't an error there are really that many parties. There are still the three main parties, much like the rest of Canada, contesting the election. The Liberals (in name only, but really is this the time to cling to that name), the Green Party and the New Democrats will all be on the ballot, however, there are a few interesting other parties.

The Work Less Party - This party is a cross between communism, radical feminism and the marijuana party. Their slogan tells you all you need to know - Work less, consume less and live more. Apparently living is free.

The WLP believes in these three core ideals:

1) A 32-HOUR WORKWEEK STANDARD. Experience from other jurisdictions indicates that roughly one-third of the cost of a shorter workweek will be offset by higher productivity, and one-third will be offset by the tax savings that result from reduced unemployment, so the financial cost of going four-day workweek will be a 6% drop in your take-home pay.

2) Canadian corporations steal 175 million dollars in unpaid overtime from their employees every week. WE WILL OUTLAW THAT THEFT.

3) At the same time Canada has more than a million unemployed, several million Canadians are working more than they want to. The reason lies in our current system of payroll taxes, which rewards employers who overwork their employees and punishes employers who offer reduced and flexible working times. WE WILL REVERSE THAT PERVERSE REWARD STRUCTURE.

Not even close to the fringe by BC standards, but still funny. Next up is the BC Marijuana Party. Their platform is pretty straightforward - smoke em' if you got em'.

My personal favourite is the Sex Party. The Sex Party wants to realize a sex-positive culture. The party is having a spin the bottle fundraiser where guests will be entertained. In order to accomplish their goals, they envision three main changes in the province:

a) Change the education system - For example, Instruction in sexual gradualism would teach a teen a way to explore the erotic responsiveness of his or her own body without contact with another person. Teens would also learn how to set the stage for healthy and satisfying sexual liaisons. They would learn, for example, that trust, emotional intimacy, relaxation, and verbal communication are all key to an optimal first sexual experience. As well, a course in sexual gradualism would teach young people about erotic massage and would emphasize the importance of non-coital erotic experimentation prior to intercourse.

b) Repeal sex-negative laws and regulations - The Sex Party would pass legislation requiring all public parks and beaches larger than one hectare to designate areas reserved for nudists. Also, the Party would allow sexually explicit private gatherings between consenting adults - SWINGERS that is for you.

c) Support sex-positive community - The Sex Party would require all long term care institutions to articulate a sexuality policy that is non-judgmental about residents' sexuality and that aims to facilitate any desired activity among willing partners, who can be either fellow residents, visiting friends or spouses, or sex professionals.

The Sex Party would institute a program at provincial nursing schools for specialized sexual care nurses. Their duties would include sexual counselling, risk assessment, and facilitating sexual expression desired by residents, including washing, undress and positioning residents before and during sexual activity, administering erection-producing injections, fitting condoms and helping patients with cleaning and dressing, providing sex toys and erotic material and facilitating contact with sex professionals.

Finally, the Sex Party would change Victoria Day to Eros Day to celebrate and encourage sex-positive expression. Giving new meaning to the term "To the Queen." There is no provincial holiday in February. The Sex Party would proclaim Valentines Day as an official holiday.

My favourite campaign event has nothing to do with any of the political parties, but rather will an awareness campaign. At a candidates debate in Victoria-Beacon Hill, James Skwarok arrived as 'Mr Floatie' to represent POOP, People Opposed to Outfall Pollution. Skwarok is protesting against the daily dumping of 120 million litres of raw sewage into the Pacific Ocean.

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